Alucard Crinos [Done]

[Adeline]

I've been waiting for you to finish this in order to tell you that, in my mind, you are most definitely ACCEPTED and one of the most accomplished writers I've seen on an RP site yet...of course, I haven't been on many, but you're more accomplished as a writer than even some of the books I read...and I do have a lot of experience in reading!

I can't wait to RP with you, and, in response to your absence, I just hope that everything goes well and you come back here soon!

[alucard]

I thank you deeply Adeline. I'm glad you liked my bio. Not many people take a liking to how I write. To be honest, I feel this bio does not show my truest of abilities. I feel its a bit sketchy for I tend to have very in-depth and very deep characters. But thats just me. I had to shorten it from what I originally had. Rook doesn't mind description but she wanted me to shorten it. So I removed a good fifty percent of what I originally had here. Hopefully Rook will find this satisfactory.

Thank you for the well wishes.^^ It means a lot to me. It really does. I hope everything goes over well too so I may return quickly and rp. You are a well written rper as well Adeline.^^ I believe I will enjoy rping with you when I get the chance. I just hope you do not mind long and in depth posts. Better than some books you have read? I am a book worm myself. I write as a hobby, its always been a passion of mine.^^

[Vespa]

Just a few things cuz Rookums asked me to. I'm not gonna redline cuz I don't think you need it and I would die.

First the usual problems. You might wanna give it a read through. I saw a few homonyms confused and grammar mistakes here and there. Not too bad.

Now my real problems. I'll admit you made me do some research with this one which I don't have to do very often.

You talk about schizophrenia which I think you used incorrectly. I'm no doctor but A Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde complex would seem more like severe Bipolar disorder. Or more appropriately multiple personality disorder. But the way you go on to describe him he turns more into a feral child type thing. Now it's not like we haven't seen extremely feral killers here. But it somehow feels wrong to me. The way he's raised does not in any way to me suggest that he would in any way be a feral child. But as far as I know that's the only way for such behavior to be so prevalent in a "human" creature.

Granted these are anthros they have been interpreted quite humanely in this forum. Which brings me to the bigger picture of this bio. It's a little too primitive and animalistic. There's nothing wrong highlighting the animal side of your character but this is a little extreme. Keep in mind this is the future. Meaning such primitive tribes, like the one Alucard comes from, probably wouldn't exist. Granted there would be "primitive". I seem to be doing this a lot but look at my character, Vladma. She too comes from very humble beginnings. But I feel that's just about as humble as it would get and still be on the same evolutionary level as the rest of the world. Today we have tribes in Africa still running around with sticks. But they're well on the way to big cities. They wear shirts now!

Babbling aside I have another bone to pick that's on a similar note. While there has been cannibalistic tribes I do have to warn you of the consequences. There are no longer cannibal tribes as of a few decades ago. That's because of the inherent danger of eating brain tissue. Now it wouldn't bug me so much if it fit. Because it would with the feral thing. Which could be attributed to his cannibalism due to the effects it has. You know, the whole mad cow thing. But the fact that his feral nature is quite clearly attributed to a bloodlust is a little much for me. It makes sense but it's much. Not to mention a progressive disease that has been untreated could not be overcome by sheer will. And seeing as his "disease" is clearly at an advanced state I can't imagine him going without medications of some kind. And I wanna know who bothered to and paid for all his medical studies. If he has such control over it how would anyone know enough to bother looking?

Damn you Rookums Imma be at this all night. u.u

His back story is so fantastical I'm not even sure what to say about it. It's great but it's a little much and all over the place. The biggest beef I have with it is probably his encounter with that Ezo person or whatever. I'm not sure how you could keep someone in a continual bloodlust and manage to manipulate them enough to deliver a package.

I don't think his mother would believe his story after killing his father. If she was really a hunter she would know that if he couldn't stop the animals he could stop the animals from eating him too. And they would.

Right so I'm done for now. I could probably keep complaining but I'm tired of it so there. >.<

You have a good character but it almost feels like you tried cramming two into one and it didn't turn out too well. Granted you're trying to theoretically cram two into one but it can be much better done.

BAH!

I'm done with this!!

*Throws monitor off the desk* I HATE THIS GAME!

[alucard]

I was going for the sci-fi thing here. I guess my interpretations of such things are different than what you guys are speaking of. Realism was never my best stance to be honest. Fantasy was always my way. Granted yes I am trying to cram two seperate characters into one body. And the stuff I was talking about concerning his mental disease is like multiple personalities sort of in the basics.

If you think about it there are cold blooded murders in the real world who can be the sweet next door neighbor by day and then be complete phsyco paths by night. As far as why people have bothered to study him all of that was going to be explained in the rp. I like to reveal things as I write, giving it all away at once is no fun really when you think about it.

As far as the human aspect of it goes. I've always known furs anthros whichever to be animals with human personalities. I tried to cram the animal and the human together but judging by what you're saying it didn't turn out to well. No one truly understands how the mind works. Its a complex network of neurons and nerves, chemicals and what not. Even with all the advanced technology today we still cannot understand a solid 100 percent as to how the mind works. Its always argumental. Science is science, its never exact and it never will be. We can try out best to explain things when they do not fit the norm but alot of it is left up to each persons interpretation.

Originally this bio made more sense when I had more information in it. But Rook told me it was too long so I chopped out nearly 75 percent of what I had, thus leading to this massive confusion. I knew this was going to happen. Without the full brunt of it my characters don't make any sense to most people. Its kind of like stephen kings writing. How can he write such wacked out yet amazing stories and not be totally wacked himself being stuck in a room with tranqs dripping into him? Its pretty much the same concept. Alot of this stuff is good in theory and bits and pieces can be found through-out creatures and animals in real life. It just depends where you look really and how hard you look. -shrugs-

Either way I'm grateful for all the help you guys have given me. But I can see now that I'll never be able to fit in here. It was worth a shot though but it appears I'm too lodged and embedded in the realms of sci-fi and fantasy to work properly in a more realistic setting. Like I said it was worth a shot and I had a nice time while I was here, though it was short lived. But I know if I stay its just going to cause me more problems and in the long run cause you guys more problems. And thats the last thing I want to do is cause problems. XP

Perhaps we'll meet again some day on another site. Who knows? Until then...its been great. And you guys have all been great, really, I mean that. You've helped me a lot and spent more time with me than 98 percent of site staff would and for that I am very greatful. I wish you all good luck with your site and hope it carries on for a long time to come!^^

Farwell....

-Alucard

[Rook]

Well, I'm sorry you have given up so soon, when all you had to do was edit your biography so we could legibly read it and then make a few changes to your character to make it actually fit in this world.

and THEN you could actually PLAY your character, and THEN you could tell volumes and volumes about them, employ your style and INTERACT with other people...and actually ROLE PLAY..but instead, yes, wild goose chase.

Your biography did not originally make sense it was a two-post monstrosity that had a contradiction for every other sentence.

I have a lot of trouble seeing why you would go through all this effort, and have us go through all this effort, after weeks of PMS back and forth

... only to give up immediately at the first real critique...after weeks of trying to explain to you than your biography was like a road map of New York City and we could not check something we could not read.

We would've looked forward to rping with you, as you are a good writer, but this RPG is a collaborative effort, not one person's story, but a story shared by many different people, with set natural boundaries and principles.

Perhaps you should write your own novel, and then you won't have to worry about anyone infringing unjustly on your artistic style.

Au Revoir, it was real...it was fun...

but it wasn't real fun.